


Thumb your nose

by apathyinreverie



Series: Tripping over tombstones [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Gen, Post-Canon, Protective Ben Hargreeves, Protective Klaus Hargreeves, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Siblings, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 07:20:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18115982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apathyinreverie/pseuds/apathyinreverie
Summary: Vanya used to think that she would doanythingto have powers like her siblings. Anything at all.These days, she knows that having powers really isn't all it's cracked up to be.





	Thumb your nose

Vanya used to think that she would do anything to have powers like her siblings. Anything at all.

Now, she knows that having powers really isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Sure, it's probably nice enough to have powers like Luther or Allison or Diego, powers that only ever reach as far as you train them, never threatening you beyond your own ability to use them.

Luther is exactly as strong as he trains himself to be, only ever a threat to those around him whenever he forgets to keep his strength in check and not a threat to himself at all.

Diego's powers might be a little less straightforward but as he uses it mainly for fighting, the only danger they really present to himself is whenever he manages to injure himself during training and whenever he forgets to rein himself in.

Allison's power isn't physical in the least and if it weren't for the fact that it requires her to use a very specific phrase to be effective - giving clear warning to anyone who hears it and is easily stopped just by silencing her or stuffing your own ears - Allison would probably even be the most dangerous among them. But again, her powers pose no threat whatsoever to herself and the only real problem with using them is the moral dilemma of taking someone else's free will away from them.

But for the rest of them, it's different. Their powers range from the strange to the utterly absurd and require them to learn absolute control to use them at all, otherwise being either incredibly dangerous to themselves, to everyone around them or both.

Well, of course that's not quite true for Five anymore. Because while his power might have been dangerous to himself before he learned to control them, by now Five is clearly so very familiar with his own powers that the danger to himself has absolutely passed, long since having trained himself out of making mistakes. His spatial and temporal skipping is clearly pretty much instinctual at this point.

Vanya's so recently discovered powers are the exact opposite, so much more dangerous to everyone around her than they are to herself. Especially, if she entirely loses control and enters that weird fuzzy mind space where her powers take over and she apparently becomes so ridiculously powerful, she can cause the literal apocalypse.

Vanya doesn't like to think about what happened during those last few days in the future. Their father dying, seeing her siblings again, feeling just as excluded as always, meeting Leonard, discovering her powers and learning of her father's betrayal, almost killing Allison, finding out about Leonard's lies, going to her siblings for help and being locked up by Luther instead.

After that everything is fuzzy. She doesn't even really remember breaking out of that cell, doesn't remember bringing down their house or going to her apartment or to the concert, much less ending the world. Her only recollection of the events are a few barely-there, muted flashes of memories but they are so disjointed that without her siblings' explanations she wouldn't be able to make sense of any of them. It's like watching a movie from far far away, from under water, through a cracked screen. Nothing is really recognizable.

But point is, she now has powers just like her siblings, just like she always wished for.

However, she didn't get one of those nice, simple, straightforward powers that let you dance in the limelight. Instead she got the uncontrollable, potentially apocalypse-causing kind.

Be careful what you wish for, indeed.

Instead of making her feel great about herself, instead of making her feel included, her powers now make her want to withdraw into herself even further. Because she is so desperately afraid of losing control.

Her powers don't make her feel confident as she always imagined, not giving her authority like Luther's or popularity like Allison's or self-assurance like Diego's. No, instead after so many years of dreaming what it would be like to have powers, to be just as adored as her siblings, she instead finally understands Klaus and Ben, the other two outsiders of the family aside from her. Understands how someone can absolutely hate being 'special'.

Ben who they all tended to remember as that quiet, perfect, kind and beautiful child, but after his death kind of forgetting about the monsters that lived in his chest, forgetting about his fierce, exhausting, endless struggles with those creatures inside him that could easily rip each and every one of them - including Ben - apart within moments if they ever got loose.

Ben had always been afraid of his own powers, of the monsters inside of him. It's entirely understandable. They are _all_ afraid of The Horror.

And sometimes Vanya wants to hit her past self for never once even considering what it must be like for Ben to be called 'The Horror' in daily life, by the press, by his own family.

She truly was an oblivious little girl.

And then there is Klaus. Klaus who got all the drawbacks and none of the perks.

Klaus who is kind and eccentric and who includes everyone and tries so hard and still fails more often than not and who loves them all dearly, loves them equally, loves Vanya just as much as he loves any of the others. Well, with the notable exception of Ben of course. She doesn't think any of them will ever be able to even get _close_ to the sort of bond Ben and Klaus share.

Klaus who is always talking and moving and smiling and fidgeting and dancing and arguing seemingly with himself and always always making some sort of noise, never silent. Klaus whose powers of communing with the dead make all of them a little wary, instinctively a little put off, even if none of them like to admit it.

Vanya knows that Klaus is afraid of his own powers, they've all always known. And she used to feel nothing but contempt, even anger at Klaus when they were children, anger at the fact that he would just throw his powers away when she would do _anything_ to have powers of her own.

It's shocking just how different things look from the perspective of an adult.

It took her years to get to the point of even asking herself _why_ Klaus might have been so very afraid of his own powers. She still remembers the exact point in time when she truly asked herself that very question for the first time, the epiphany having come to her at while she was writing her book, already having finished chapters on most of her other siblings. And she remembers staring at the first sentence of the next chapter, the chapter that was supposed to be about Klaus, staring at the sentence she herself had written. A sentence that read _'I never understood just why my brother Klaus has always been so very afraid of his own powers._ ' and she had sat there, staring at her own words and realized that she truly _didn't_ understand.

Because she had never thought to ask.

Up until that point, she had never even considered whether there might be an actual reason for Klaus preferring to drug himself into oblivion rather than deal with his abilities.

That particular epiphany is probably the reason why her chapter about Klaus had turned out so much kinder than the chapters on any of the others.

And she _still_ doesn't entirely understand why he is so afraid. Klaus' powers neither have a violent aspect to them like Ben's nor are they truly life-threatening if used incorrectly like Five's. But still, Klaus is clearly terrified of his own abilities.

Only recently - ever since they got to the past - has she started to realize that there might be something more to Klaus’ powers, something that she doesn’t know about at all.

It's actually Ben's behavior that gives it away the most.

It's not only in the way Ben always seems to position himself with Klaus, at his side but so very clearly prepared to step in front of any threat that might come his brother's way, in the way Ben tends to keep himself between Klaus and Luther, how he uncompromisingly talks over Five or Diego if their comments start to get especially cutting, how he won't let any of them make a single derisive comment about Klaus' previous drug habit as an adult.

It's mainly in the way she sees Ben shudder - as if remembering something horrific - when they walk past a burnt-out building or into a dark alley or past a hospital, sees how Ben will immediately glance at Klaus whose eyes will be flitting from one point to another, randomly shying away from something that isn't actually there. Vanya has seen how Ben will immediately shove his iPod - the fully charged iPod he always seems to be carrying around in his pocket, despite Vanya never once having seen him actually listen to music himself - at Klaus.

Klaus, who'll take the offered iPod with twitchy, trembling hands and a far-too-bright-to-be-real smile, shove the buds in his ears, turn the music so loud that Vanya can hear it even if standing a few feet away.

And it's definitely in the way Ben always flicks on an extra light whenever the room they're in grows even a little darker in the evening, how Ben always seems to carry sweets around with himself to hand to Klaus whenever their brother gets too twitchy, clearly trying to help him fight his cravings. Ben who has spent more than a decade at Klaus' side as a ghost himself and does his utmost best to keep Klaus from falling back into the drug habit of his adult self but never once actually criticizes Klaus for being tempted to drug himself into unconsciousness just to avoid his abilities. Not once.

So, yes, Vanya still hasn't asked just what it is that makes Klaus so very afraid of his own powers, but she thinks that at this point she might have a pretty good idea anyway.

And she remembers the naivety of her kid self, how she used to watch her siblings when she was younger, used to watch enviously as her siblings got attention from their father, as they were taken aside for special training. She used to watch and wish she could be one of them.

But now she also remembers her own training - even if only flashes of it - and knows better than to envy anyone for getting to spend extra time with their father.

So, when only barely a month after their return to the past their father announces to Ben that he will receive special training tomorrow and that he is to report to the infirmary now, 'to get ready' - whatever that might mean - Vanya isn't really surprised by the muted terror she sees flit through Ben's eyes.

And Vanya automatically looks at Klaus - who is just as protective of his brother as Ben is of him - expecting him to be up in arms about anyone doing any sort of harm to Ben.

But Klaus looks calm, if determined, his eyes on Ben, but no actual trepidation in his eyes as he watches Ben follow after their father to the infirmary. Vanya frowns, surprised.

Although, she doesn't have to wonder about Klaus' unexpected lack of reaction for too long.

+++

There is a muffled knock on Vanya's door.

She sits up slightly as her door creaks, opening slightly. It's the middle of the night and they all know better than to be out of bed after hours.

"Vanya? You awake?" It's Klaus.

"I'm awake," she whispers back.

The door opens a little wider and Klaus slips inside. And surprisingly, it's _only_ Klaus. She doesn't think she's seen him really be apart from Ben for more than a few minutes at a time since they got back.

He skips over to her bed.

"Vanya, you up for a little adventure?" he asks playfully, but there is something determined in his voice as well. "Might piss off daddy dearest something fierce, though."

She eyes him. Between all of them, Klaus and Vanya are probably the ones who hate their father the most, no matter what the rest of them may claim.

Vanya hates Reginald Hargreeves for first trying to train her, failing at doing so and then making her _ordinary_ just because the man wasn't willing to admit his own failure or try a different route at helping her to get her powers under control. And she absolutely _loathes_ him for making her ordinary far beyond her supposed lack of superpowers, by using Allison's power to turn Vanya's own consciousness against her.

For all she cares, their father could drop dead tomorrow and she'd happily dance in the man's ashes with Klaus and whoever else would want to join them.

Because Klaus hates their father just as much. Vanya doesn't know what exactly it is that their father has done to him, but she knows that their fates aren't really that different. Their father tried to train Klaus, failed at doing so and then let Klaus slip into the abyss of drug abuse, effectively letting Klaus turn _himself_ just as ordinary as he had forced Vanya to become. Just with a drug problem added on top of the childhood trauma.

If she is honest, Vanya can even admit that she probably got the better deal between the two of them. It's something she has only recently come to realize.

And she knows that Klaus used to be just as jealous of her for being normal as she used to be of him for having powers. Just two sides of the same coin.

So, in this entire house full of trauma and hurt feelings and resentment and screwed up family dynamics, Klaus is the one person she can't truly be angry with. Because he had it at least as bad as she did - quite likely worse - and he still showed her more compassion than she ever deigned to show him when they were still kids.

So, she just swings her feet out of the bed and asks, "What sort of adventure do you have in mind exactly?"

Klaus' grin is wide, visible even in the sparse light coming in from the streetlamps outside. "The sort that messes with our dear father's plans. I thought we could get rid of one of the cages in this house tonight, lest it find use tomorrow."

Ah, this is about Ben then. Not that she is surprised.

Klaus and Ben have always been close. Sure, not quite as close when they were still kids as they are now but after having spent about a decade with just each other, the two of them are clearly inseparable.

And Vanya remembers those few months after Ben's deaths, remembers how Klaus had insisted that Ben was right _there_ , remembers how Klaus had tried to make them include Ben in some manner even with as little time as they all used to spend together even back then. Their brother who could talk to the dead, had been claiming that he was talking to their recently deceased brother.

And she remembers that none of them had given Klaus the time of day.

It might honestly be the biggest regret she has in this whole screwed up life of hers.

And Vanya is more than up for messing with their father's plans a bit and even more so if it helps the brother who died as a child and then came back only to find himself ignored by all but one of his siblings.

So, she just steps into her slippers and reaches for a random sweatshirt to pull over her pajamas. "You know where it is?" she asks. And just how fucked up is her life that she isn't in the least surprised at the thought that there might be more places like her little fortified cell in this house.

"Yep," Klaus grins. "I might have gone snooping around a little."

"Maybe we could also stop by another room while we're at it?" she says hopefully. She so desperately wants to destroy that padded, fortified room that features so prominently in her nightmares, just the thought of it making it hard to fall asleep in this house on most nights.

But Klaus just waves his hand vaguely, dismissively.

"Ben and I already took care of that," he says with a grin. "We might have stolen the entire steel wall of that room when everyone else was out last week at one point. Although, I don't think anyone has noticed it's gone yet." A pause as he sobers once more before saying seriously, or at least as seriously as Klaus ever can be, "Ben was absolutely against Luther locking you up, you know."

She can hear the apology in Klaus' voice. An apology for not doing more to free her when Luther decided to shut her away in that cell, specifically designed to keep her helplessly contained.

She eyes him for a second. That cell is the source of most of her nightmares these days. The memory of that moment when she had been desperately pounding against that small glass window in the steel door, begging, pleading for help, when she had realized that none of her siblings were going to help her, that they would all just bend to Luther's will as always, that they would just leave her there... It still has her wake up gasping for breath some nights.

But if Ben and Klaus actually went to destroy the source of most of her nightmares as an apology, then she thinks she can easily forgive the two of them.

So, she just nods - accepting the unspoken apology - and says, "Let's go."

Klaus grins and leads the way.

The satisfaction she feels as she lets her powers rip apart the tank that apparently plays a role in Ben's training is endless.

She must pass out while she is at it - still not used to her powers at all - because next thing she knows it's morning and she is waking in her own bed. But the feeling of absolute satisfaction at destroying one of the torture chambers in this house lasts her all through breakfast and it reaches entirely new heights at hearing their father's angry yell coming from the basement shortly after.

Vanya fights her grin, casually glancing over at Klaus as their siblings stare confusedly in the direction of the basement.

The beaming, vindictively satisfied smile Klaus sends her in return warms her all the way down to her very core.

Then Ben reappears in the kitchen. He is a little pale, his eyes still a little wide, but he is also wearing a smile full of relief, like that tank was the one thing still keeping him from fully settling into this life again. The same way just the thought of that padded, sound-proof cell in the basement kept her up at night before.

She watches as Ben smiles gratefully at Klaus, who just flicks his eyes her way in a clear gesture. And when Ben looks at her, she easily returns his grateful smile and nod, just as thankful for Ben apparently having ripped her own cage apart in her stead, making her feel like she can breathe freely again.

Now. That just leaves Klaus, the instigator of all this. Vanya will have to ask Ben whether he has any idea where Klaus' personal torture chamber might be located.

She is sure Ben would be up for a little nighttime adventure of their own.

**Author's Note:**

> Huh. Didn't expect to write an entire story from Vanya's POV but here you go :D Would love to know what you think (*^^*)


End file.
